We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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