pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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