I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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