fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm having to shit out rocks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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