No, drunk sperm still make babies.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
