I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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