Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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