Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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