Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Jerry, you need to find god
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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