You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
