I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
