I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Randomize
