I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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