Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
