i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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