Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
