i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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