Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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