wrigley field is MILF paradise
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
