Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
