obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
