dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
