its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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