He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
