Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
