My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
