i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
