I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
