I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
