You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
