Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
