So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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