He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
