And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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