so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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