Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
