I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
