Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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