glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
