roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
