i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
