we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
