He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bring me that man meat
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
