wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
