FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
