I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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