Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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