When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
