the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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