I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
