John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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