matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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