You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
