Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
