is your mom at the bar?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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