Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
