I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
