she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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