I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
